Counting Stars
by MCahill
Summary: You say the day you can count every star you see in the night sky is the day you stop loving me.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimers: I do not own the 39 Clues.**

* * *

_10..._

I should say something.

Time is precious, like gold. You told me that it's something that should never be wasted.

But I think silence is priceless.

So I let each second tick by, I let each one sink in deep. Each tick of the clock drips like honey, slow and smooth. I savor the sweet nectar of gold.

After all, there is nothing else that I can say.

_9..._

Your back is against mine.

I can feel your muscles relax and contract as you inhale, exhale with each breath you take. Your long hair tickles the back of my neck. I don't mind though.

You tremble slightly in the chilly November air. I should be a gentleman and offer you my jacket.

But I don't.

Because you are holding his coat. A soft leather one, it's nice but definitely not custom made in Italy, like mine is.

You let it drop onto the pavement.

_8..._

I'm not sorry for lying to you.

I'm not sorry for betraying you.

I'm not sorry for hurting you.

Because it shaped us.

You have become more confident and resilient. You peeled away from your shell of shyness; your inner self blossomed into a strong individual. You evolved into a capable character.

I have become less ruthless and arrogant. I learned to be independent. I cut the strings of the puppet and let my own mind take control.

But I am sorry for one thing: I am sorry for telling you that I love you.

You can never say the same back.

I understand.

_7..._

I remember how much you love stars.

Those summer night we spent on a blanket, gazing at the distant orbs. You always insist on the same spot by the cherry tree. The dots in the sky are something so far away, yet it is right in front of our eyes, ungraspable, unreachable.

Funny how that sounds like our relationship.

_6..._

You press your head into my shoulder. I can see your warm breath swirling into now freezing air, like a wisp of white fog.

You gently slide your hand into mine.

They're cold. My fingers wrap around your chilly skin.

I can feel your icy diamond ring dig into the palm of my left hand. The hard rock sinks into my flesh.

I hate that ring.

The round cut diamond on the silver band is gorgeous. I actually like the way it looks on you.

I just hate the fact that I am not the one to slip that onto your finger.

5...

Nobody disturbs the silence. There is no trace of wind. There is no rustling of the leaves.

It's like when you count the stars.

You lean on me, not making any noise. You mouth each number soundlessly.

There are too many for you to count. You know that, but you do it anyway.

Each time, your steady drone lures you asleep. You know you can never finish counting them.

You say the day you can count every star you see in the night sky is the day you stop loving me.

Tonight, you don't bother to look up.

Because there are none.

_4..._

If I am like any other normal person, I would be on my knees begging for forgiveness. I would be grabbing your hands pleading for you to stay. I would be narrating my love for you, pouring my heart out.

I don't. That is what the weak do.

I let the silence speak for me.

_3..._

I can feel you tremble. Your body shake, the friction of your cotton blouse against my wool coat heat my back.

You're not cold.

You try to muffle the sniffles by coughing. You bite your lip to prevent the moisture leaking.

I may lack a tad bit of common sense, but I don't need a genius to tell me.

You're crying.

_2..._

My hands are going numb because they are still gripping onto yours like glue.

You shift. I slowly loosen my clamp on your hands.

I can feel you pull yourself away from me.

I feel your back leave. I can feel each vertebrae peeling away from my spine.

Every move of your body, every turn of your muscles separate us. I hear you place your feet on the ground.

I feel the heat of your body evaporate from our previously touching backs.

I feel the one last reassuring squeeze of my hand.

_1..._

I hear every clack of your boots fade away.

I sit there until the echoes of your footsteps wither and die.

I sit until everything is silent.

I can't even hear my own heartbeat.

Because when you leave, you take my heart with you.

I count each step you take away from me, just like the way you count the stars.

* * *

**A/N.**

Hey. I hope you enjoyed it. I have a _really_ hard time finishing stories that I start so I think I'll just stick to writing one-shots.

You can love it, you can hate it-fine with me. I write to improve and become better. After all, practice makes perfect.

I love angsty stories. I'm such a pessimist -.-"

If you didn't get it...

-This is in Ian's POV (It's written in second person)

-"You" refers to Amy

If you review and tell me how you like it, I may consider writing this in Amy's POV. Feel free to point out any mistakes.

M


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimers: I do not own the 39 Clues.**

* * *

_10..._

You don't say anything.

The thick noiseless night engulfs us. I let the muted atmosphere take over.

I let the seconds fly by. I count each tick of the clock as if my life was only seconds away from ending. I desperately try to hold on to each precious second.

I don't mind the silence. It gives me time to collect myself, to think about our fate.

There is nothing else I can do.

_9..._

We sit back to back.

The defined contour of your spine shape perfectly into mine. The only movement is us breathing-the rhythmic rise and fall of our chests. I can feel your muscles work to take in oxygen.

I snuggle my head on the back of your neck. I make myself as snug to you as I can.

I shiver in the cold November night. You normally would drape your jacket over my shoulder, being the gentleman you are.

But you don't.

Because on my lap drapes his leather jacket. A sweet scent of cheap aftershave linger on the leather coat. I pretend not to notice. I let your aromatic essence of clove wash over my aching body, my aching heart.

I let the coat slip to the ground.

_8..._

You don't apologize for lying to me.

You don't apologize for betraying me.

You don't apologize for hurting me.

That's perfectly fine.

It shaped us into who we are.

I am more tenacious and secure. You guided me to transform into a pliable dough, able to take in anything and deal with anything that hit me. I am less fragile than before.

You are less antagonistic and detached. You opened up to me, letting me see the real you underneath the stoic layers of protection.

But I wish you would do one thing.

I wish you would tell me that you love me, one last time.

I don't know if I have the guts to say the same back.

_7..._

On clear summer nights, we often sit like this-in the silence, gazing at the stars.

I would spread a blanket on the grass.

You would bring a mug of tea.

We sit back to back and gaze up at the twinkling dots in the sky. They are so close that we can see them with our naked eyes, yet the shiny orbs are actually millions of miles away.

It's such a coincidence that our relationship is like that.

_6..._

The cold is starting to chill me to the bones.

I don't put on his jacket. I leave it on the ground. I don't want to think about him right now.

I want to spend a few precious moments with you.

So instead, I slip my icy fingers into your hand.

You wrap your warm and steady hand around my cold one. I can feel your grip tighten.

The connection makes keeps me calm. I was desperate to hold on to the last moments with you.

Your solid grasp reminds me of the ring on my finger. The pressure of your hands pushes the silver band into my skin.

The chill of the ring seeps into my skin, contrasting the heat of your palm. I only have one regret-you are not the one to that sealed the deal.

_5..._

The lasting silence was impregnating. No one disturbs it.

It's like those nights when I count stars. I don't do it out aloud-it's always the silent movement of my lips. The quietness of my mantra of numbers usually lulls me to sleep.

There's always too many for me to count.

I also like to tell you that the day I can count every star in the night sky is the day I stop loving you.

I didn't plan on that happening.

Tonight, I am afraid to look up. I guess life is never in our favor.

I already know-there are none in the blanket of blackness.

_4..._

Love is like a rubber band. When one person lets go, the other gets hurt.

What would happen if you let go at the same time? Would pain still exist?

Would we still be here, holding on to the last spark of hope?

My mind runs wild on unanswered questions. It overflows with what if's, what about, and what will. I search for answers that I know I will never find.

The only thing I know for sure is that I can never have the love that I want.

_3..._

I shake out of my will.

My throat suddenly convulses, a tightness rise within, and a small whimper escapes. I sniffle my nose quietly. I cover it with a cough.

My vision is a blur. I gnaw on my lips so that the wet droplets do not fall.

I don't want you to know that I am crying.

_2..._

Your iron grip on my hands are so tight that the blood stops flowing.

I move. You sense that; your strong hands are slowly unwinding, but I keep mine there.

I shift my back away from yours. Each crinkle of my shirt, each graze of my jeans against the stone was loud.

I untangle my crisscrossed legs and set my feet on the ground.

I give one last squeeze of your hand, and then let go.

_1..._

Each thump of my shoes take me one step farther from you,

The sound ring out, and I know you can hear every step I take.

The clacks of my boots are the only steady beat I can hear.

I can't even hear my own heartbeat.

Because when I leave, I also leave my heart with you.

I count every step that separate us, just like the way I count the stars.

* * *

**A/N.**

Hope you liked the companion fic to Ian's POV. I debated whether I should write one or not, but in the end I feel like it would be more complete if I did.

I worked on this for a long time. School has been biting my butt with all the homework. I would have published this sooner if I had time. There are some spots where I am still not completely satisfied, but I guess nothing is perfect.

Reviews would be awesome. Compliments accepted, criticism welcome.

Since this is a two-shot, I'll leave the rest to your imaginations.

M


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